BREAKING THE CYCLE
Dr. Myriam Miedzian on Violence
reprinted from Sesame Street
Parents; July-August 1994
Myriam Miedzian,
Ph.D., is a founding board member of Prepare
Tomorrow’s Parents She is a social
philosopher, professor and the author of Boys Will Be Boys; Breaking the
Link Between Masculinity and Violence (Anchor Books).
The
Yes, there is. One step we can take is to
introduce child-rearing classes into schools.
Social science research reveals that huge
numbers of children today grow up in family situations that predispose them to
violent behavior later in life. These youngsters are battered, experience weak
bonding with caregivers, lack parental supervision, or have parents who fail to
reinforce prosocial behavior.
Boys are at much higher risk of growing up
to be violent than girls are: About 90 percent of violent crimes are committed
by males. The risk is further increased if a boy grows up without an involved,
nonviolent, responsible father. And although most single mothers succeed, often
heroically, in raising decent sons, their task is extremely difficult. The 1991
FBI Uniform Crime Reports cites studies suggesting that as many as 70
percent of juvenile offenders grow up in single-parent homes.
Mandatory child-rearing classes can help
solve these problems. By making both boys and girls aware of the importance and
complexity of child-rearing, classes could bring down teenage pregnancy rates,
reduce the number of deadbeat dads, and promote caring, responsible mothering
and fathering.
Some people object, claiming that
child-rearing cannot be taught. But in light of our nation's high rates of
child abuse, neglect, and abandonment, this myth urgently needs to be examined.
After all, one of our society's deep-seated assumptions is that teaching a
skill in school is the best way for a child to learn it. Isn't it strange that
the most important and difficult task that so many people fact -- raising
children -- goes untaught?
Critics also question whether boys will have
any interest in child-rearing classes. It is true that by the time they reach
first grade, many boys have decided that babies are "girls' stuff."
Yet when I sat in on child-rearing classes I found that boys from a variety of
school settings, including inner city and suburban, were every bit as
interested as the girls in learning about and interacting with babies and
toddlers.
I visited one elementary-school program that
is built around monthly class visits from mature parents and their child. The
child's development is watched over time and noted on a chart. By keeping
workbooks, students sharpen their powers of observations, psychological
insight, and sensitivity.
As students talk with the parents, they gain
a deeper appreciation of child-rearing. They might hear a baby's parents
explain, "We haven't slept through he night since she was born because she
has to be fed every three hours," or "We haven't gone out since he
was born because we can't afford a baby-sitter."
One goal of this program is to teach
non-violent ways to discipline children, thereby discouraging child battering.
Teachers provide students with information about the psychological and physical
needs of children at various ages.
As a result, girls and boys begin to see
raising a child as a demanding, important responsibility. They become strongly
inclined to delay parenthood until they are financially and emotionally ready.
Because girls as young as age 12 are getting pregnant, it is important that
these classes be introduced no later than fifth grade, then repeated as child
development classes in high school.
The startup cost of such a program is less
than $100 per student, a tiny amount compared with the cost of supporting a
teenager and her children, putting an abused child in foster care, or
imprisoning a violent criminal.
I urge parents, educators, and legislators
concerned with child abuse and violent crime to work for the introduction of
mandatory child-rearing classes in all our schools.
